it had been a long long time honey!!!

i cant sleep. my mind is full of tonnes of memories now.. heard a news of my friend's brother met in an accident and now in coma in the 5th day.. worry... haiz..  it had been a long time to meet my friend since i've graduated from secondary.. hope to see how is she doing now.. but.. its a bad timing i knw. so ... still considering should go or not..so wad can i do is juz pray and ask my frenzz help us to pray for him and his whole family.. im closed to her and knew their family since primary,i do not hope anything bad happen to them again.. really...  


wau... had been a year + i didnt touch this blog.. cause i've my good life now.. referring back those previous post.. oh my, im really a pessimist but is better and much more better now. im glad that he is with me.. i am glad that those who important to me still with me now.. although some had left, but i've learnt to let go and i did let go.. TOAST to mag, she had grown up!


i have only a wish in 2011, please, do take care and do not let anything bad happen to u .. i couldnt afford to lose u , my love.. 

sigh.....

it has been a very long time didnt touch this blog..joyous time always passed fast without u found it... 

Im here again.. cos.. im so..... doubting.. im facing da worst problem ever met... no one could help .. i don know wad to do ... juz scare if too late.. then ... i'll die... 

im not feeling well everyday.. every when that time.. my fear come again... i cant cope with it... God..... Please bless me... im really need ur help ..... i don know wad else i can do ..... please..........

im not feeling happy anyway.. although had juz finished my final.. after i walk out from da exam venue, everyone is smiling and laughing .. discussing where to 'wet' ... juz me da one who... cant squeeze any little..happy feeling ...so worry....

saw my frens' blog.. so much of them.. i think they are new user though... they are having their life.. enjoying... so good.... not as me... juz take care everyone ....

i am nothing

after transferred my course.. i back to my 'home' which isnt da 'sweet' home as ppl tot ... my mum is so .. lazy ... haiz... which wont do housework or anything that should a mum would do .. she will go to 8 and buy lottery all da days..
and my dad... which is ... so .. useless.. who never care his daughter feeling.. my sibling which respect me more than parent... ... i really don like to back here... suffer... dying.. no one care for me .. no one will know how am i .. no one ... i am nothing..
i hav no frenz.. i cry always.. cos i cant hold it ..i cant stop it.. i hate my parent. .everyone tot that im cute happy optimistic confident gal.. butt tell u .. im not... i am not at all...
even i die.. no one will know who i am ... i juz don wan to be one of this earth ..


anyway... juz leave me alone..i don care to be orphan.. cos i am since i was born... i wanna leave u guys.. i wanna leave this family... my two bro and one sis.. don blame jie jie.i will bring u guys leave if im able.. i hope u two divorce...
anyway, how am i be in this world no one will care...

I gotta go my own way

frenz, guess wad, im gonna leave u guys..

i have to change my course to diploma as may intake is now. i have no choice. im waiting for my offered letter now, in CIT. i saw christina and sheu yun ponteng applied math lecture and is behind me .. but they didnt notice me .. i dont feel to say hi with them . cos im leaving.. speechless. i've cried and think along day and night for a week without sleeping.

i was raise up by grandparent.There was a really best dream( don have any memory butt can see in photo ) i ever had before my parent back from US. my nightmare started when i was 4 . still remember that day in da airport. im wearing purple cap with singapore logo with blue jeans.. i saw two stranger come and hug me . im feel strange. who they are?? my grandparent ask me call them baba mama. who they are ? i doubting ...

now only realize i did da stupiest thing during my childhood . my grandparent told me baba mama will back with that aeroplane that always pass by my house. so whenever i heard and saw an aeroplane above my house. i will juz rush out and shouted "baba mama, im here. can u see me ?" haha.. wad da... butt that time. i really tot that aeroplane is my baba mama. haha.. poor little child. after my parent back. i never laugh and smile. i juz tot that smile is juz for take photo. my mum use to drag and lock me in room and keep bit me whenever she unhappy or my toys is broken by cousin. i run and cry. beg her not to beat me... but .. she never listen. my grandparent uncle aunty surround da room and beg her not to . but she ignore and close up all those window and lock da door..of cos, she's using everything available to release her unhappiness beh song and anger . erm, kinda belt, dust cleaner, hanger, pvc rubber pipe, metal pipe. of cos bleed always after beating. no one can help me .. i dont know y she juz hate me so much. where is my dad? he is juz so love her and not dare to hurt her. so he choose to let she hurt me . i tot that she's my stepmother when im small. but, when i grew up.. i realize this wont come true. cos eveyone is keep saying that i look like her. i try to use knife to cut my face. its humiliate to look like my 'mum'. im so scare i will have those bad behaviour like her. do u think a 4 years old child don having a frenz to play in theirkindergarten ?? im da one.. no one wanna play with me .. they said.. ur mum very fierce e . don wan play with u ..these is wad i recall once i had memory from 4 years old. . nightmare which never end.

she called and wanted me to get scholarship result for A level whick is a misson impossile . i said i cant. she's happy to hear this i think. so , she ask me to work as im da eldest . she choose to sacrifice me . but she wont care. as long as my sibling save. of cos i know im da eldest . i have da responsibility to help them in future, but wad can i do juz with my SPM?? im da one who take caring them when i was 10. then u two leave m'sia again to UK until im 18. im da one who feed them , pamper them , change pampers for them. teach them to write ABC 123 until 2 are in primary 1 is in secondary . wad had u two done? go out for 6-7 years but earn no money back cos gambling , buying share , borrowing 3 quarter of our property to others cos of ur faces. is this ur responsibility. why 4 of our future juz simply hold by ur emotion. this is juz so unfair. especially to me.

im out from u . y i cant feel love from u . u never pamper me . u never believe me. u never support me. u juz keep sign in my fs facebook hotmail msn to check me . call to college to check whether i have cheated u there is trial and extra class. say im doing abortion cause im growing fatter. wad da hell is this. is this a mum . u love ur faces than anything. u love to win. u love power. well, u are having all these now. y cant u satisfy ??? i juz hope i got a common mother. mummy..... always dreaming i got one that is good to me even live in poverty. i will laugh out when sleeping if drem it . but every when i wake , an inner sound told me . stop imagine, liew maggie.u'll neva get one. stop dreaming. stupid.

well, thanz for my aunt who dare to be 'penjamin' for letting me to continue study . but is diploma for broadcast communication. i dont know will there be any vacancy for me in the future. please introduce me if there is after 2 years. cos, i have to return her for da first sem fees that she borrow me to study this course. haha. this is one of da terms and conditionss to continue study that set by her. soon, im searching house again in TBR. i cant afford anymore for transport by bus as i have to use ptptn to cover all my expenses and also fees .. i don know can i squeeze out any money but i hav to . i juz can borrow da first sem money from her.

SN9G, i gonna leave u guys.. i dont know when can we meet again, but i hope there will be one day. im not active in class mayb some of u dont even know who i am . but i will remember all of u . u guys are da first college frenz i have do in my life. i think u guys too except keu heng chao. kaka. . hey, im so proud with SN9G thinks y ? cos its da most special and with most leng zai leng lui in it. every single moment that we're having , and those laughing , joking, fooling around will do carve in my heart. still remember im so careless to break da measuring cylinder then everyone ' oh' for me.. and once, da measuring cylinder again, nearly drop on da floor, butt luckily its drop in da box that full with rubber pump. anyway, people, AS and A2 is waiting for u guys. im free from that lu.. yeah.. butt ... work it out SN9G . not only ABCD class can get straight As right.. do ur very best.. hope we can meet again in this college..

ps: 0149418136 my number. l-ver_0107@hotmail.com is my fs and facebook add. feel free to contact if dont mind..

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steamboat with bak gu teh soup.. i prefer my own dishes than outside now.. and is more worthy to eat at home by homemake... cheaper , healthier and even tastier..

kaka.. im da chef for this dinner.. is so delicious and yummy .. kaka






actually theres still more to upload.. juz so lazy la.. haha... nothing more.. bye frenz...

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i am here... finished school around 12.. butt not feeling to back home alone.. so choose to stay at CIT ... waiting for babi.... i knew mayb still need around 2 hours butt.. juz feel wanna wait.. i know im escaping something.. butt.. i juz don wan stop myself to do that ... not bad too ...

o ya.. im going back to hometown at saturday as monday is holiday.. cos tmr got extra class... syok... going to extra class.. doesnt sound like maggie.. haha... my frenz ask me to klcc watch movie.. lazy.... so didnt...++stomachache...

as jasmine say... da wedding games not really good... butt better than nothing to watch lo ... lol... me too.. love to watch alone.. ..butt.. thats different feeling while u're watching alone , watching with bf and also with frenz... anyway.. i love watching movie.. thats great feeling... all stranger that we dont know and also wont get to know to sit together in a box , laugh together talk together..

really feel thankz to babi.. if not.. u wont saw this blog.. after know babi.. im trying to be more positive.. i feel im improving now.. after typing out to blog.. i wont keep those bad feeling in heart for long time...

keep playing games.. dont wanna mention abt test... 88