M@gG13 s@nctuarY

it had been a long long time honey!!!

2011-02-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

i cant sleep. my mind is full of tonnes of memories now.. heard a news of my friend's brother met in an accident and now in coma in the 5th day.. worry... haiz.. it had been a long time to meet my friend since i've graduated from secondary.. hope to see how is she doing now.. but.. its a bad timing i knw. so ... still considering should go or not..so wad can i do is juz pray and ask my frenzz help us to pray for him and his whole family.. im closed to her and knew their family since primary,i do not hope anything bad happen to them again.. really...

wau... had been a year + i didnt touch this blog.. cause i've my good life now.. referring back those previous post.. oh my, im really a pessimist but is better and much more better now. im glad that he is with me.. i am glad that those who important to me still with me now.. although some had left, but i've learnt to let go and i did let go.. TOAST to mag, she had grown up!

i have only a wish in 2011, please, do take care and do not let anything bad happen to u .. i couldnt afford to lose u , my love..

sigh.....

2009-09-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

it has been a very long time didnt touch this blog..joyous time always passed fast without u found it...

Im here again.. cos.. im so..... doubting.. im facing da worst problem ever met... no one could help .. i don know wad to do ... juz scare if too late.. then ... i'll die...

im not feeling well everyday.. every when that time.. my fear come again... i cant cope with it... God..... Please bless me... im really need ur help ..... i don know wad else i can do ..... please..........

im not feeling happy anyway.. although had juz finished my final.. after i walk out from da exam venue, everyone is smiling and laughing .. discussing where to 'wet' ... juz me da one who... cant squeeze any little..happy feeling ...so worry....

saw my frens' blog.. so much of them.. i think they are new user though... they are having their life.. enjoying... so good.... not as me... juz take care everyone ....

i am nothing

2009-04-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

after transferred my course.. i back to my 'home' which isnt da 'sweet' home as ppl tot ... my mum is so .. lazy ... haiz... which wont do housework or anything that should a mum would do .. she will go to 8 and buy lottery all da days..
and my dad... which is ... so .. useless.. who never care his daughter feeling.. my sibling which respect me more than parent... ... i really don like to back here... suffer... dying.. no one care for me .. no one will know how am i .. no one ... i am nothing..
i hav no frenz.. i cry always.. cos i cant hold it ..i cant stop it.. i hate my parent. .everyone tot that im cute happy optimistic confident gal.. butt tell u .. im not... i am not at all...
even i die.. no one will know who i am ... i juz don wan to be one of this earth ..

anyway... juz leave me alone..i don care to be orphan.. cos i am since i was born... i wanna leave u guys.. i wanna leave this family... my two bro and one sis.. don blame jie jie.i will bring u guys leave if im able.. i hope u two divorce...
anyway, how am i be in this world no one will care...

I gotta go my own way

2009-04-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

frenz, guess wad, im gonna leave u guys..

i have to change my course to diploma as may intake is now. i have no choice. im waiting for my offered letter now, in CIT. i saw christina and sheu yun ponteng applied math lecture and is behind me .. but they didnt notice me .. i dont feel to say hi with them . cos im leaving.. speechless. i've cried and think along day and night for a week without sleeping.

i was raise up by grandparent.There was a really best dream( don have any memory butt can see in photo ) i ever had before my parent back from US. my nightmare started when i was 4 . still remember that day in da airport. im wearing purple cap with singapore logo with blue jeans.. i saw two stranger come and hug me . im feel strange. who they are?? my grandparent ask me call them baba mama. who they are ? i doubting ...

now only realize i did da stupiest thing during my childhood . my grandparent told me baba mama will back with that aeroplane that always pass by my house. so whenever i heard and saw an aeroplane above my house. i will juz rush out and shouted "baba mama, im here. can u see me ?" haha.. wad da... butt that time. i really tot that aeroplane is my baba mama. haha.. poor little child. after my parent back. i never laugh and smile. i juz tot that smile is juz for take photo. my mum use to drag and lock me in room and keep bit me whenever she unhappy or my toys is broken by cousin. i run and cry. beg her not to beat me... but .. she never listen. my grandparent uncle aunty surround da room and beg her not to . but she ignore and close up all those window and lock da door..of cos, she's using everything available to release her unhappiness beh song and anger . erm, kinda belt, dust cleaner, hanger, pvc rubber pipe, metal pipe. of cos bleed always after beating. no one can help me .. i dont know y she juz hate me so much. where is my dad? he is juz so love her and not dare to hurt her. so he choose to let she hurt me . i tot that she's my stepmother when im small. but, when i grew up.. i realize this wont come true. cos eveyone is keep saying that i look like her. i try to use knife to cut my face. its humiliate to look like my 'mum'. im so scare i will have those bad behaviour like her. do u think a 4 years old child don having a frenz to play in theirkindergarten ?? im da one.. no one wanna play with me .. they said.. ur mum very fierce e . don wan play with u ..these is wad i recall once i had memory from 4 years old. . nightmare which never end.

she called and wanted me to get scholarship result for A level whick is a misson impossile . i said i cant. she's happy to hear this i think. so , she ask me to work as im da eldest . she choose to sacrifice me . but she wont care. as long as my sibling save. of cos i know im da eldest . i have da responsibility to help them in future, but wad can i do juz with my SPM?? im da one who take caring them when i was 10. then u two leave m'sia again to UK until im 18. im da one who feed them , pamper them , change pampers for them. teach them to write ABC 123 until 2 are in primary 1 is in secondary . wad had u two done? go out for 6-7 years but earn no money back cos gambling , buying share , borrowing 3 quarter of our property to others cos of ur faces. is this ur responsibility. why 4 of our future juz simply hold by ur emotion. this is juz so unfair. especially to me.

im out from u . y i cant feel love from u . u never pamper me . u never believe me. u never support me. u juz keep sign in my fs facebook hotmail msn to check me . call to college to check whether i have cheated u there is trial and extra class. say im doing abortion cause im growing fatter. wad da hell is this. is this a mum . u love ur faces than anything. u love to win. u love power. well, u are having all these now. y cant u satisfy ??? i juz hope i got a common mother. mummy..... always dreaming i got one that is good to me even live in poverty. i will laugh out when sleeping if drem it . but every when i wake , an inner sound told me . stop imagine, liew maggie.u'll neva get one. stop dreaming. stupid.

well, thanz for my aunt who dare to be 'penjamin' for letting me to continue study . but is diploma for broadcast communication. i dont know will there be any vacancy for me in the future. please introduce me if there is after 2 years. cos, i have to return her for da first sem fees that she borrow me to study this course. haha. this is one of da terms and conditionss to continue study that set by her. soon, im searching house again in TBR. i cant afford anymore for transport by bus as i have to use ptptn to cover all my expenses and also fees .. i don know can i squeeze out any money but i hav to . i juz can borrow da first sem money from her.

SN9G, i gonna leave u guys.. i dont know when can we meet again, but i hope there will be one day. im not active in class mayb some of u dont even know who i am . but i will remember all of u . u guys are da first college frenz i have do in my life. i think u guys too except keu heng chao. kaka. . hey, im so proud with SN9G thinks y ? cos its da most special and with most leng zai leng lui in it. every single moment that we're having , and those laughing , joking, fooling around will do carve in my heart. still remember im so careless to break da measuring cylinder then everyone ' oh' for me.. and once, da measuring cylinder again, nearly drop on da floor, butt luckily its drop in da box that full with rubber pump. anyway, people, AS and A2 is waiting for u guys. im free from that lu.. yeah.. butt ... work it out SN9G . not only ABCD class can get straight As right.. do ur very best.. hope we can meet again in this college..

ps: 0149418136 my number. l-ver_0107@hotmail.com is my fs and facebook add. feel free to contact if dont mind..

Check this out!

2009-03-03T04:01:00.000-08:00

Create A Playlist

2009-03-03T03:57:00.001-08:00

steamboat with bak gu teh soup.. i prefer my own dishes than outside now.. and is more worthy to eat at home by homemake... cheaper , healthier and even tastier..

kaka.. im da chef for this dinner.. is so delicious and yummy .. kaka

actually theres still more to upload.. juz so lazy la.. haha... nothing more.. bye frenz...

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2009-02-05T21:21:00.001-08:00

i am here... finished school around 12.. butt not feeling to back home alone.. so choose to stay at CIT ... waiting for babi.... i knew mayb still need around 2 hours butt.. juz feel wanna wait.. i know im escaping something.. butt.. i juz don wan stop myself to do that ... not bad too ...

o ya.. im going back to hometown at saturday as monday is holiday.. cos tmr got extra class... syok... going to extra class.. doesnt sound like maggie.. haha... my frenz ask me to klcc watch movie.. lazy.... so didnt...++stomachache...

as jasmine say... da wedding games not really good... butt better than nothing to watch lo ... lol... me too.. love to watch alone.. ..butt.. thats different feeling while u're watching alone , watching with bf and also with frenz... anyway.. i love watching movie.. thats great feeling... all stranger that we dont know and also wont get to know to sit together in a box , laugh together talk together..

really feel thankz to babi.. if not.. u wont saw this blog.. after know babi.. im trying to be more positive.. i feel im improving now.. after typing out to blog.. i wont keep those bad feeling in heart for long time...

keep playing games.. dont wanna mention abt test... 88

disappointment

2009-02-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

i msg with my frenz.. that hav for abt 15 years frenship.. i told her abt something that i knew.. she refuse to trust butt said that she is innocent.. .. she chose to trust her frenz... this hurt me so much ... da guy had even admitted to me. this damn hurt.. as i lied by ppl .. then now.. frenz choose to trust others but nott me... sigh...my frenz.. i beg u .. plz say out only after u had think properly..

y am i always lied by ppl ... and always ppl don trust wad i spoken .. y ?? is it im so small till u cant see me... or .. i hav no place in u guyz heart... after i receive his mail.. my heart broke.. cos now.. i've decided not to trust anyone easily as im so 'naive' = stupid...

i never have such suck CNY like 2009.. this CNY is full with hatred, tears, and shame. my mum problem haven settle.. then my sis problem occured.. those who suffer are me and my dad.. b'cos of my sis incident.. my mum slap me.. juz to release her anger and hatred. how come she did that ? since i was small.. she used to slap me juz to release her anger cos she lose money in gambling. now.. my sis da one who did wrong.. everyone hav their part of responsibility. y don she look at her problem butt juz saw others ppl ? i cant get in her mind! she is so mean.. i think.. my sis is so similar with her...they are juz da same although doesnt look alike but their thinking is so mean.. this incident is so destructive.. till spoilt me and my family relation .... i think....
i am born to get cheat , to get slap , and to get humiliated by bf , family and frenz... this is my life... haha.....

laughter that full with tears

sigh

2009-01-23T23:56:00.000-08:00

im at home already.. feel kinda dull.. cos of this family.. my sis.. i really don know how to help her. i know now only she's da only wan can rescue herself.. butt ... she... is so stupid.. haiz.. hope she will get a good learning without hurt or bad things le... i really not dare to imagine wad will happen later.. cos even now.. da guy is so rediculous.. how abt in da future when im not around..

and.. tmr is big day.. for us to hav meal with whole family.. butt then. my a bu.. she say.. if don wanna this family broken.. then don back to have meal with them.. haiz... i really don know wad to do.. wad to talk to them let them to think better..

i hav to beware with every single word that speak with them.. hope... i wont say out any wrong thing to them and let them think -ve... hope everything will be ok.. God bless

feelings right now

2009-01-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

feel so cold now.. my heart grow cold... juz like i hav lost my way in snow... and there is no way out.. i cant see others colour juz white.. im shivering alone in floaded snow like this polar bear

feeling in da moment

2009-01-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

i am at CIT now.. lesson finished already.. i juz wanna back hometown earlier.. unfortunately.. i cant get any ktm or bus ticket for today... planning back at saturday evening.. butt feel hard to wait here.. really don like da feel now.. wanna stay away from here.. juz .. don wan stay here.
hope to back fast.. then go melacca celebrate CNY.. even no happy there.. choose to listening my mum annoy shouting than da silence here.. cant breathe here... physically and als mentally..

hope to know a new guy .. and dating liao ... so.. introduce some to me ba....

juz notice that every post in here all are -ve one... feel so emo and im a -ve ppl.. butt is common la.. my page call cass sanctuary.. of cos.. i'll juz come in when emo-ing lo .. lol.... this is juz for now la.. mayb wll hav a change after this lo ..

and guyz... tell u something.. if really love a gal.. never say sorry to her... and.. never lie to a gal.. and say u are protecting a gal.. this represent u not respect her..
and.. i HATE gossip guy and gals...

listening.. xiao jiu wo by jj and ah sa... take care everyone.. including me..

s.a.d

2009-01-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

nothing can describe my feeling best except this

let it be

2009-01-21T09:04:00.000-08:00

im back from holiday... and .. this is da third week i am here .. no more internet for me..
at cc now...

feel damn sad... cos.. hav to say goodbye to someone that i love.. cos... now only realize that i had never put him down from my heart.. wad da... haha... don noe how to describe this feeling... cos.. i .. juz not dare to touch that place in my heart.. juz let it be.. yesterday .. heard something that feel really good.. that is.. if two ppl are really love each other... juz give one more step out.. then .. both of them will get each other..
butt i think.. this never happen in my life.. haha.. so .. juz let it be

still no mood to study.. so much things happened these days again.. the book sure be damn famous if i write my whole life story in it... cos.. there's no long peace in my life..

cope with it .... cass ....

froz3n 1c3

2008-11-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

juz finish chat with tzyyren,long, fong, woei juz now.. they are leaving me one by one.. in msn.. and also in my life.. cos.. every our sweet sour moment already become memory that will be never happen again in da future.. suddenly feel pain in my heart.. there is several ppl in my msn list played an important role in my life.. butt y now.. we had juz... didnt find each other even they are on9-ing.. listening jj song always on9.. which had da same compose with cries in a distance..
woei told that i had big different since my mum back... became more and more -ve and .. if i didnt ask him.. i will never know that. thanz for telling me.. butt. wad can i do. he said my attitude changed.. haha.. don noe.. he is da one who know me so so well .. even through few letter he knew im not happy even i ignore it .. he still keep asking.. ya.. mayb we're better to be juz frenz.. u wont be so emo like b4 .. and .. i don like guys that never reject gals.. u are.. and i am too. i am a gal who don noe how to reject ppl.. even ppl that i don like.. so .. we cant be with each other.u told me.. she sms u .. butt u forgotten wad she talked with u .. butt i think i knew by guessing.. she said mizz u .. and u'll reply mizz her too.. this is wad i get hurt too .. thats y i'll break with u .. of cos not only cos of this.. butt.. this made me know u crystall clear. can see ur ppt in a clear colourless solutn..
and dear.. thanz .. for being my no-body. butt i know u cant.. butt im still asking.. cos.. don noe ..i love bsb..hope to play with u.. now is da song can i hav this dance.. i love da lyrics..wad that u write down..and our love song..i love to look at da night sky.. cos it is silence... and i did chat with my fist love. tzyy.. we got da same thinking and habbits.. thats looking at da star and moon.. i'll be da star with da moon... this is da conclusion we had tonight.. a dull star is be with da moon for long time.. few years.. butt never leave her.. butt da moon already had da company of cloud.. she n3v@ notice da star.. he wan to be her nobody..
it is 1 am.. butt there is still many of my classmate haven sleep. they are working hard for da final test. butt. im juz fooling around..juz not feeling wan to study.. my mood is same like da weather nowadays..there is so hot and shinny during day time butt it juz starting to get a sudden rain during afternoon.. wad is that wind that keep affecting da cloud in my heart? now listening 安静了by SHE.. now is really silent man..
chris ask me to move to her frenz there.. i'll consider if i never met /=0/\/6 before.. its to late.. don ask me y .. few weeks ago .. my member msg and ask me. if today is stealing day.. wad am i wan to steal from her.. i answer.. i wan to steall all da unhappiness from her..i'm such a person like that.. i'll do all sort of thing for ppl good.. kinda stupid.. who will did it back to me.? 明天以后 from /=0/\/6 and vinci.. mizz u .. i appreciate wad we having now..

spiritually independance

2008-11-03T04:08:00.000-08:00

saw many of my fren blog.. every single moment when i had with them b4 keep flipping out from brain... feel kinda ... upset.. all of us are walking to different way... is a way that full of darkness and unsure... and is a way that will never end... God let us meet.. and let us leave.. and.. can U let us remember everyone passerby in our life... everyone hav their own life... own new and long life .. butt.. how am i to be?? whose know ? God know.. haiz.. feel so emo these days... bcos.. of tonzz of thing...

everyone hav their problem .. their thinking and style... butt y.. seems like i don hav.. i also don noe y .. i feel that i juz like liquid.. never hav a fix shape butt with fix volume.. wad my mum or de surrounding want me to be.. i am to be..i juzz.... .. so useless...

im so luckily to hav u to be with me.. at least .. u are da one who will always remembering me when others forgotten.. thanz... butt i know.. i cant juz depend on u .. i am a ppl who will always easy to be forgotten. so .. i hav to be more and more... independant. is my spirit independant... i juz keep depend on someone since b4... i think is da time to spiritually independant.. to myself own.. anyway.. u will be leaving me one day...wad will happen in da future no one know. so .. i hav to learn this b4 u leave ... still hav a long long way for me to walk through.. hope ... i can get rid with it...

depress

2008-10-31T00:55:00.000-07:00

2008/10/31
depression
i'll always ask.. y am i born in this world.. if that time.. da nurse never save me.. i will never born in this world.. im juz... thats too much things happened within these months... im really tired for that.. i really cant stand anymore.. as in a nutshell.. it came again.. im juz soak in tears these ..weeks... pounds of problem in my family ... SHIT... how am i to solve.. how am i to stand . how am i to face.. how am i to help . wad can i do .. y i born in this family which others never hav.. if i hav a common family.. that will be great. every of my fren.. either new or old either schoomate or housemate.. will appreciate for their harmony and warm family after knew my family.. yes, every family will face their own problem .. y juz mine................ so so so so sos ossoss shit.... this is da worst family i think ... although not no.1 in world.. but.. is no.1 one.. among all alll alla lllll over my frenzzzzz ..among all ppl that around me.. thats more than enuff...
i've never hav a happy day since small.... ... exam is coming.. im juz doing nothing... tears evaporate ... heart.. never be there.. juz hope that. i'll never let it happen in my own family in future... i really scare this will be a horror dream that will be never end..

on da other hand.. i really fed up for my every love story ... y am i always place in btw at least 2 guys..i don wanna choose anymore.. y every that of i choose right b4 will be da wrong one in da end... guys.. cant u juz come 1 by 1 ..i don wan to be cruel or hurt anyone.. can every single part in my life juz be normal as others... i don wan special.. i juz wan to be normal .. and.. im not a good gal as u all think ... theres still thousand track of beauty clever brilliant seducive lady around the world.. juz let me down ok ? let me go .. forget me.. don be so bad taste ok ?
p/s : thanx \/\/031 cos keep help and accompany me whenever i need .. and also /=0/\/G